Why Now?

Jul 19, 2012 by Carmen Shawn

What was my motivation to do another competition?

I have been asked this daily from coworkers, friends, clients…. I said I would never do another one. Part of it was the fact I had already started training hard, partly for possibly doing the Tri-Fit challenge I mentioned. But the main reason was based on the very tough year I had.

I had to come back to Canada very very suddenly from Miami. An unexpected thing that I wasn’t quite prepared for. Not only did I have to start my life over again, losing a lot from the move, I also lost out on something incredible with someone who was very special to me. It was a hard and stressful transition. Picking up the pieces and working on getting myself back into the Fitness Industry here, was somewhat easier than I anticipated but still I had to work extremely hard to get to where I am at now.

This is why I am always talking about never ever thinking your life is invincible. Anything can happen at any time! So never neglect the important people in your life, because when and if the rug is pulled out from under you, they are the ones that keep you up and moving! They are the ones that fill you with positivity and hope when you feel you can’t find it within yourself. I am very blessed to have such an amazing group of friends here and an incredible family. Without them I don’t know if I could have been as strong as I was. They also support me in this journey and there to help me in any way! Who can ask for more! They also know I would do the same for them!

As hard as I worked and as much as I was building something for myself, there was still some “I feel sorry for myself” B.S. that you don’t even realize you have sometimes. In April I found out my Dad had lung cancer that matastasized to his brain. We knew he wouldn’t have much time. But unfortunately, a week after finding this out, I found him after he had a major heart attack. Hours later he passed away and went to a better place. I do believe god blessed him and our family by taking him before the cancer put him through all the pain. What I went through that night I don’t wish upon anyone.

After this I realized what a jerk I have been. Towards life and myself. Those things I went through previously that year were so small and so reversible in comparison to the loss of my father and what my mother lost. Losing someone after being in their lives for over 50 years is something I can’t even imagine. I spent so many years focusing on things that at the end of day, aren’t what makes life enjoyable and fulfilling. I now wake up every day missing my father but also thanking god for sending me back to Canada so I could spend the last year with my Dad. Thanking god for the friends and family that he gave me. Why did I leave such a great thing in the first place??? I also thank god for giving me what I have, giving me the strength to see and realize my capabilities and use them to make me stronger and to help others!

My experiences have been life changing but made me so much stronger. I think positive every minute of the day! I not only work my butt off in my career, take courses, etc. so I can be successful, but I also put in a lot of time with my family and friends. Especially my mom. They are what matters, and when and if I get myself to that point I dream of in my career, having them there along the way cheering me on, because I cheer them on, is priceless!!!

With all the positivity I now surround myself with, coming from within and the positive people around me, I decided to put all that into a new challenge. I feel so alive right now that putting my energy into something that challenges me and also allows me to learn and share with others, makes me happy. Whether I place or not, at least I know I will be able to say I gave it my all and will stand proud on stage with the other athletes. If I can get through this year, with all the ups and downs, something like training and eating healthy, which I love to do anyways, is a cake walk. My dad, I know , is cheering me on. And one thing I found out after losing him, was how proud he was of me for taking the chances that I do, for all the competitions I did, and for being me. I am going into this one with my strength and his.

We all take on new challenges some small, some big, this is a big one. But nothing is going to get in my way, nothing is going to bring me down! Life is great and should be lived in constant challenge! It’s the steps involved in the challenge that build character, not whether you win or lose it!!!

When life throws you curve balls, figure out if it’s a bad pitch and just let it go or learn how to step into it and hit a home run!